Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Six Years

Six years ago today I skipped field hockey practice to go home and crawl into bed and I didn't crawl back out for another few years, give or take. Today is my sickiversary, a day to celebrate if for no other reason than what else am I going to do? Living with a chronic illness is not always the easiest thing - and honestly it's often a lot more difficult than I think most people realize - but I'm here, and I'm happy to be here. I'm not really sure what 14-almost-15 year old Maddy would think of 20-almost-21 year old Maddy. She'd probably be dismayed that I'm still sick, sick forever in fact (that's what chronic means). But on this side of things, I'm feeling pretty good. I spent most of high school in a fog of denial, felt like a burden, was ashamed for something that wasn't my fault. And then I was angry for a while at all the people who made me feel that way, and angry at myself for not seeing through them. And now I'm, I dunno, ok? To be sure, there's still anger, but I'm trying to channel it constructively and meet people where they're at. It's been pretty wonderful to be in spaces where I'm supported - many thanks to family, friends, folks I met this summer, and my school community. I'm sure some people think I'm too intense, but I'm just a loud silly weirdo who really believes in disability justice. Happy sickiversary to me!